What did you dream of when you were a kid?

Take a moment to imagine 8-year-old you. Look at a photograph of you at that age and reflect on that time. 

What were you dreaming about? 

What did you want to be when you grew up?

What did you think your life would be like when you were an adult?

My students at that age dreamt of being in the NHL, in the movies, or on YouTube (those of us who grew up in the 80s did NOT have dreams of becoming famous YouTubers when we grew up!).  

Dreams that many teachers and parents would say are unrealistic, or not very practical. 

“What about being a nurse, a doctor, a teacher?” they would say. 

Then in high school, while they’re still trying to figure out who they are and their brains are still developing, they’re expected to figure out what they want to do for the rest of their lives.

I remember the pressure of needing to figure it out at 17. It felt like such an enormous decision to make. How was I supposed to know what career would be a good fit for me? What career would I want to follow until my retirement 48 years later? 

Most of us don’t even know who we are at that age.

It takes time and experience to figure out who you are. Many of us in our thirties and forties are still trying to figure it out, let alone the ones who just finished high school or university. 

In the end, I wound up with two degrees and a career that I was good at, but that wasn’t my calling. I stuck with it for 18 years, but most of that time I longed to leave. I just had no idea what else I would do. 

I didn’t have any dreams of what my future could look like. I was just trying to survive each school year and couldn’t think much beyond it. 

For a long time, I felt like I was the only person who felt this way, but now I know it’s not true. 

So many women struggle to articulate what it is that we want. There are many reasons why this is and we need to start addressing them if we’re going to make a change. 

Key barriers that prevent women from dreaming big:

• Lack of support from parents, partners, and peers

• Lack of financial support

• Lack of resources

• Lack of self-confidence

• Gender inequality

• Fear of leaving their comfort zone

• Fear of not fitting into traditional definitions of success

Maybe you had big dreams to own your own business when you were 8, but someone (a well-meaning parent, teacher, or grandparent) told you that wasn’t very realistic and that maybe you should choose a ‘safer’ career. 

Maybe you were told that girls don’t or can’t do that (become mechanics, engineers, pilots, doctors, etc.).

Maybe you were encouraged to marry young, have children in your twenties, and be a stay-at-home mom.

Maybe you were told to get your head out of the clouds, to stop dreaming, and to not take risks. 

Whatever stopped you from dreaming doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you stopped. 

Falling in line with your family’s or society’s expectations to be a "good” girl—go to school, get married, have kids, get a reliable job, live in a nice house…

Only to wake up one morning with the realization that life is NOT the way you thought it would be when you were dreaming about the future all those years ago. 

Waking up early to make everyone else’s lunches and pack their bags, chauffeuring kids to school, running boring errands, maintaining the house and yard, all while doing the same job for the last 15 or 20 years…

How did this become your life? 

More importantly, are you happy with the way things are, or do you long to do something different, something that lights you up, that gets you excited to spring out of bed in the morning?

If I were to ask you today:

“Do you know what your dreams are?”

Would you be able to answer?

For the longest time, I really didn’t know. 

I wanted to travel and see the world as much as I could. 

That dream still exists and still gets me excited. I’ve been to 45 countries so far. I’ve had some amazing adventures. But I know the best ones are yet to come when I can share them with my little family. 

But other than travelling, I drew a blank. I didn’t know what else I wanted, what else would make me happy. 

And it’s not that I didn’t have time to think about it. I did, especially while travelling solo, spending many hours alone on planes, trains, buses, and boats. A lot of time on my own to think and dream.

But I don’t think I knew how.

Or maybe I was scared to dream too big. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but my personality, perceived limits, and beliefs were holding me back. 

“I could never do that.”

“I’m not good enough to do that.”

“I’m not worthy of doing that.” 

Dreaming big is scary. It’s intimidating. 

So let’s make it easier on ourselves.

Three activities that help you get more comfortable dreaming:

Spend time by yourself with NO distractions

• that means no phone, no music, no podcast, no kids, no partner, no TV, no book 

• preferably in nature where you can feel the sun on your face, the breeze in your hair, and hear the birds singing

• go for a walk or just sit in your backyard

• give yourself the time to just BE

Journal 

Two prompts I use when I want to find clarity: 

• What do I want? Follow up by asking yourself why. Why is it important to you? Why now? 

• What does my ideal day look like, a year from now, or 5 years from now? Describe it in detail. What are you doing, from waking up in the morning until you fall asleep at night? Who else is there? 

Hire a coach

• Working with my first life coach helped me get much-needed clarity on what I truly wanted after my life blew up in my face in 2020 (for the full story, read this blog post) 

• Coaching can help you dive deep into what you want and find clarity on what you truly desire 

• Coaching can also help you create an action plan to go after those dreams one step at a time

• Interested in working with me as your coach? Send me a message here. I look forward to hearing from you!

Give yourself the gift of time this week and block out an hour or two of time for yourself. Start by going for a nature walk. Then journal, picking the prompt that suits you best in the moment. 

And if you’re ready to jump in with both feet and get clarity on your dreams now, contact me today and we’ll get started right away!

That’s where the magic really starts to happen!